She laughed today

School is starting again soon. I only have two pairs of “fat pants” that fit me and it seems every shirt I own goes right to the part of my middle I’m most self conscious of. So I finally gave in and decided to go shopping for some basics just to get me by for what will hopefully be more of a temporary than permanent amount of time. God I hate being fat. When I first go pregnant my cousin said, “Oh God, now you’re officially old.” I think we have this image about moms because hardly anyone ever gets to see the sexy versions of their mothers. By the time we’re born, we’ve RUINED it! Of course, there are exceptions to this generalization: like movie stars and that sickening mom at the pool sporting that red bikini and swimsuit model of a figure. If she ever wonders why the other moms were all hanging out and she was just with her beautiful son, she need only look in the mirror and remember that women can be jealous and petty when they’re feeling most insecure and sleep deprived.

So I called in reinforcements—the shopping queen and parking lot magician—my mom. We went shopping and took E with us because it just so happens that she’s going through a growth spurt this week and is hungry every hour and a half to two hours. Luckily for us, she dozed in the car seat and stroller throughout the six hour spree, waking up only to be fed, held a little, and falling back to sleep. At the end of the long day of shopping, I was talking to my dad at their house while mom was holding E, talking to her, making faces, and trying to get her to smile.

Dad was in mid-sentence when we heard E’s first all-out laugh. We both stopped and turned to see her, beaming at my mom, mouth opened wide in a smile, her voice bunching up and bursting out as mom said her name and lifted her above her face, calling her name. Mom was making kissing faces and wiggling her body back and forth in the air. E just kept laughing and laughing for what must have been at least a couple of minutes. All I could do was smile and smile and repeat, “She’s never done that before! This is the first time!” a few times over just to make sure they both knew what a momentous occasion it was because I could feel my insides bursting.

Baby laughs, even deep and throaty, are so pure they break your heart.